We're not as different as we think
The power of Circle to create meaningful connection
As the screen populated with stranger’s faces my stomach lurched the way it does strapped into a roller coaster — I knew I was safe, but I also felt like barfing.
I’d been invited to join a circle of men whom were all ex inmates from prison.
The facilitator lovingly invited me to join as I was curious about taking her course to become a Circle facilitator myself.
There was a part of myself that came into this call not sure how I could relate to this group of people so different from myself and wondering what the gain would be — both for me and them. “What do I have to offer?” is pretty much the soundtrack of my life.
But my video camera was on and my energy was being invisibly sewn together with theirs as the the circle commenced.
Here’s how these circles work:
The house rules are shared to remind everyone how we interact with one another
No interrupting
No opinions
Short meditation to ground into self and become present with the group
Each person says a few words on how they are feeling, or a larger declaration of self. Ex: Tired, bored, I am possibility…
A prompt is given
Each person is given the opportunity to share
After each share the group validates the sharer using words they’ve spoken or heard from their share
Empathetic statements are given to the sharer until they feel complete
Closing mediation
You give a few words for how we feel leaving circle
The prompt for the circle was given: SHARE A STRUGGLE THAT BECAME A GIFT
A gentlemen with a bald head, slight tan and uppity energy raised his hand.
Released from prison he had secured work with an organization doing paper filing that was very entry level work. The job was going well, but cuts came in and his super visor had to let him go.
Distraught, but needing to find a way to survive he applied himself daily to try and find any work he could:
Making pizzas - denied
Cleaning up graffiti off freeways - denied
Picking up trash after events - denied
He was being confronted with a constant and heavy stream of NO at every turn and for every possible job imaginable. This was happening on rinse and repeat for over 9 months.
From his time served he realized within himself that he loved helping people. With nothing but time from not working he channeled his energies into his passions- astrology and coaching.
Instead of saving every cent to survive, he invested everything he had to sign up for a coaching program and to learn astrology. All the while he had no income coming in and no other support to turn to for survival.
After almost a year of this struggle he connected with a social worker that knew of a hiring manager looking to hire someone to help coach people as they transitioned back into society.
As the social worker shared more information something divinely wild happened— the hiring manager was the same person that had to let him go the year before. Yet now, here he was with a skillset that met the job qualifications. More pay. More responsibility. More work aligned to his passion. He was hired!!!
It was everything I could do to not have my jaw hang open as he shared the beautiful gift of this experience. He summed it up that EVERY NO IS LEADING TO THE RIGHT YES.
Had he been hired to wipe graffiti his time, his energy would have been diverted from the path he was supposed to take, yet at the time felt so heavy in uncertainty for basic survival.
His share of his journey put a salve on my anxiety as I was currently sitting unemployed in a tiny town without the prospect of a job on the horizon and we needed money. My situation seemed and felt pretty gloomy.
It had never occurred to me through my own inner analysis of my personal life that circumstances were happening for me, not to me and that every single rejection could be reframed as a gift.
Every time I didn’t get a call back or a contract job didn’t land — it wasn’t to punish me, it was because the right thing was going to reveal itself in time that better aligned to my well being. This notion alone kept my energy positive vs spiraling into scarcity and self doubt, which The Universe ignores (because no one likes to hang with a downer, right?!).
To this day I reflect on his experience and use it to remind myself in moments of uncertainty to lean into The Universe and have trust there is always a gift that will reveal itself in the moments of despair and unknown.
There were so many powerful insights that hit me that night about the human spirit and realizing that connection is not just a pastime, it’s a vital ingredient in our healing and in the discovery of our authentic story and the truth of who we are.
As a woman I feel us ladies have a natural inclination to open up and share amongst one another, but it’s not so natural or easy for men. Witnessing a group of men, let alone “tough ex cons” discussing their hurt, their sadness, their triumphs was incredibly touching to witness such vulnerability with one another.
Sharing with others unblocks us in ways we could never realize through our inner dialogue. It connects us to people no matter how seemingly different they appear than us on the outside — Gender aside. Social class aside. Politics aside. At our core we all seek to be seen, heard and validated that our experiences matter, and that we are not alone.
I humbly left the call feeling perhaps the NO’s I had been receiving prior to this moment were setting me up for the time and space to take this Circle facilitation training. This made my shoulders relax and a smile to form. “We’ll see,” I thought.
