Crossing the threshold of a decision
The ripple starts building in the distance, the sheen of the blue water glistening from the sun rays is hitting the moving water as it rolls closer towards me. It whispers “possibility.”
The building wave seems so chill and non committal from where I sit. I say to myself “That’s my wave. I can do this.”
My hands grip the rails of Lavi, my soft purple longboard, as I spin around to face the rocky beach and begin to get in position. Feeling the wave’s presence grow closer to me I feel excited, I feel a sense of aliveness knowing this wave will never be replicated – it’s size, position and shape. It’s one of a kind, like myself.
This moment is wonderful and full of magic and potential and then within a moment this ripple transforms into a wall of water that is steamrolling towards me creating a shadow that starts to crest over my shoulder and it suddenly feels so big, all consuming and disruptive to my well being.
A sudden resistance arises within myself. “What if it crashes on top of me and pulls me down to the where the urchins call home at the bottom of the bay? “What if I miss the take off and look like an idiot? How did I ever think it was possible for me to surf this,” I say to myself.
From this place amongst this wave I can’t see the pelicans. I can’t see the calm seas on the horizon. I can only see disaster emerging. I can only feel a knot of self doubt clouding my ambitions.
Waves do not wait for you to commit. I have merely seconds to decide — do I paddle and dig in and go for it, or do I pull up and out and let the wave pass me by, allowing another surfer to seize the moment?
The in-between, where I decide to go or stay, is the threshold.
The threshold is the portal I must bravely cross through, otherwise, I linger in a state of inaction, a place of never knowing.
With one exhale my arms start digging into the tropical water, paddling, and I am now moving faster as the energy of the wave pushes me up its face, our individual energies forged.
From this new place on the wave the ominous and deadly dark shadow lifts and in its place I see the most magical color of blue laid out before me on the face of the wave — it is vast, open and inviting. “OMG- it’s not that scary, what was I so worried about?” My body lights up with a zinging energy as if a family of jellyfish have just stung me.
The outcome of the wave, the judgy self talk of “I could have angled more,” or “ My take off was not great” are capsized by my absolute satisfaction of being in a new energy where growth, belief and possibility now shimmer all around me.
In any given surf session waves (opportunities, dreams) consistently roll in at different speeds, sizes and shapes, always offering a new chance to push against the scariness that exists and work on moving beyond the threshold.
And each time I paddle back out to the lineup I have a bit more confidence and moxie.
The concept of the threshold crosses over into every aspect of my life.
When I choose to commit, when I choose to try, when I accept failure is more important than inaction I realize the other side of the threshold is never as scary as how I make it out to be. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
